I recently heard the following joke:
A man was walking along San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge when he saw a woman about to jump off. He ran up to her, trying to dissuade her from committing suicide. He told her simply that God loved her. A tear came to her eye.
He then asked her, “Are you a Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, or what?”
“I’m a Christian,” she replied.
He said, “Me, too! Small world! Protestant or Catholic?”
“Protestant.”
“Me, too! What denomination?”
“Baptist.”
“Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
“Northern Baptist.”
He remarked, “Well, ME TOO! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
She answered, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
He said, “Well, that’s amazing! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reformed Baptist?”
“Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist.”
“Remarkable! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Eastern Region?”
She told him, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
“A miracle!” he cried. “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”
She said, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
He then said, “Die, heretic!”, and pushed her over the rail.
When I first heard this joke I had a good laugh, but that laughter soon turned to grief.
I’m the first to say you gotta be able to laugh at yourself, but it’s just as important that we take the time to pause and reflect on the sad truth that underlies this joke.
Remember, we’re not playing a game of Angry Birds.
Original joke by Emo Philips.
In the past few years, a number of tiny Presbyterian groups have sprung up, often of a half-dozen or fewer congregations. The kinder reference to them is “micro-Presbyterians.” The more common is “the split peas.” What I find the funniest thing about this schismatic attitude is that it justified by a supposed intention to found a pure church. Yet, the Westminster Confession (XXV:5) itself says, “The purest Churches under heaven are subject both to mixture and error.” My own experience with them has led me to believe that it is really a matter of self-justifying egos.
Chris: Thanks for taking the time to comment. It’s a sad situation out there, and not just in Presbyterian circles.
Your quote from the WCF is humbling as we like to think our church has it all right and all together…yet we’re still subject to mixture and error.
I can’t comment on the hearts of those involved, but do pray for unity.
I feel guilty for laughing at this. But I did laugh – hard.
I join you in that guilty feeling. I laughed hard as well. Almost lost my breath reading this joke out to some friends. It’s long and hard to say, and then there’s a killer punchline (pun intended).
Here’s the original version (along with some commentary by Emo Philips).
Thanks for that. I’m adding a link in the post to him as the author.
Dude, this is so bad.
I mean…I laughed really hard, but then…well yeah.
I do wonder why there are so many brackets under denominations that people are pretty much willing to “kill” over.